Boris Johnson announced in a press release last night an extensive new scheme aiming to reduce Islamic radicalisation in some of London’s poorest schools and academies.
The scheme allows sixth form students the opportunity to enroll for a travel scholarship, offering “free tours of Syria” consisting of camping, hiding and “Islamic museum and temple refurbishment”. The Mayor said: “We are very excited about the ‘Tours not Wars’ initiative. As research by UCL has shown, the main reason youths join ISIS is because they cannot afford a gap year and want to get away from their strict parents.
“Students will be flown to Turkey, bundled into the back of a van, and then taken across the border to give them a taste of how the other half live.” He continues: “it will be an excellent opportunity for young adults to get out into the real world, and get a taste of the real ‘middle eastern experience’.”
Some fine refurb work
The Mayor is working in partnership with a tour company registered in Iraq and the Levant, known as ISIL (not to be confused with ISIS, a terrorist organisation based in Iraq and Syria). Originally started up and funded by the American government as a boy-scouts-style organisation for the young people of the Middle East, its popularity has grown a great deal in recent years, with youths from all over Europe joining.
When questioned as to whether the similarities between the names ISIL and ISIS could perhaps prove problematic, Johnson commented: “I rest assured that our modern media will always use the correct name for the correct organisation, and that mix-ups will be few and far between”.
As an additional incentive, Johnson is attempting to “sweeten the deal” by pairing up with Ferraro UK, offering enrollees “free Nutella during their tours”. He states that he doesn’t want to “scare off potential tourees… we want them to know that there are all the luxuries of home over there. Who says making a difference has to mean sacrifice?”
‘Don’t be late to the Caliphate’
Ferrero (owners of Nutella) stated how they are “honoured to be working with the Mayor on such a fantastic scheme” and that they will be releasing a ‘don’t be late to the Caliphate’ advertising campaign later in 2015.
Young adults who may well have gone to fight for Isis will instead be working with ISIL towards a “Nutella Caliphate”.
“Western style capitalist values can be exported to a country ravished by archaic and frankly wrong values.”